Attachment style test results: reading your two scores

An attachment style test result gives two scores from 1 to 7: attachment anxiety, or worry about being loved, rejected or left, and attachment avoidance, or discomfort with closeness and depending on a partner. The ECR-R questionnaire has no official cut-offs; Sprout reads the two averages together as Mostly secure, Close but worried, Independent, or Wary of closeness. None of them is a diagnosis or a fixed label.

What do attachment anxiety and avoidance scores measure?

They measure two separate questions about close relationships. Anxiety asks how much you fear losing love: whether a partner really cares, whether they might leave, whether they care as much as you do. Avoidance asks how comfortable you are with closeness itself: opening up, relying on someone, letting them rely on you.

The two-scale idea comes from a 1998 study by Kelly Brennan, Catherine Clark and Phillip Shaver, who brought together the many attachment questionnaires of the time and found that they mostly measured these two things. Chris Fraley, Niels Waller and Kelly Brennan then built the Experiences in Close Relationships, Revised questionnaire (ECR-R) from that work in 2000. It’s now one of the most widely used measures of adult attachment in research.

The ECR-R has 36 statements, 18 for each scale. Worry statements sound like “I often worry that my partner doesn’t really love me”. Distance statements sound like “I prefer not to show a partner how I feel deep down”. It asks about romantic relationships in general, not only a current one, so you can take it whether or not you’re with someone. If you haven’t yet, the attachment style test on Sprout takes about nine minutes. Taking the test is free; results need Sprout Plus (7 days free).

How is each attachment score worked out?

Each statement is rated from 1 (strongly disagree) to 7 (strongly agree), and each score is the average of its 18 answers. Because it’s an average, your score lands somewhere between 1 and 7, often with a decimal, such as 3.4 or 5.1.

A few statements are worded the other way round, such as “I feel comfortable sharing my private thoughts and feelings with my partner”, where agreeing means less avoidance, not more. These are scored in reverse: a 7 counts as 1, a 6 as 2, and so on (8 minus your answer). Two of the worry statements and twelve of the distance statements work this way. Account for those reversed statements before averaging your answers.

The results show both numbers with a short description for each, then a combined pattern that reads the two together.

What does each third of the scale mean?

Because there are no official cut-offs, each scale is described in rough thirds of the range. These are plain descriptions of where you sit, not categories from the research.

Your worry about closeness score

• Feeling secure (1 to 2.99): you rarely worry about whether partners really care or might leave. That sense of security makes it easier to be open and ride out disagreements.
• Some worry (3 to 4.99): now and then you wonder whether a partner cares as much as you do, or might pull away. Most people feel this at times, especially when things are uncertain.
• Often worried (5 to 7): worry about being loved or left is often on your mind, which can be exhausting and make you watch closely for signs. The pattern often grows out of past experiences, and it can soften over time, especially in steady, caring relationships.

Your keeping distance score

• At ease with closeness (1 to 2.99): opening up and leaning on a partner comes fairly easily, and you can let them lean on you too.
• Some need for distance (3 to 4.99): you’re open in some ways and hold back in others, sometimes preferring to keep things to yourself or rely on yourself. Many people find a balance like this.
• Prefer distance (5 to 7): getting very close, opening up or depending on someone feels uncomfortable, and some distance feels safer or more natural. There’s nothing wrong with valuing independence; it’s worth looking at only if it leaves you feeling alone or makes relationships harder.

How do anxiety and avoidance combine into attachment styles?

To describe the overall pattern, each score counts as lower (under 4) or higher (4 or above), 4 being the middle of the scale. The two together give one of four descriptions. The right-hand column shows the names the same patterns usually go by elsewhere, which follow the four-category model Kim Bartholomew and Leonard Horowitz described in 1991.

Mostly secure

You tend to feel comfortable being close to a partner and don’t worry much about being loved or left. That usually makes it easier to share feelings, ask for what you need and lean on each other. It doesn’t mean relationships are always easy for you; it means difficulties are less likely to set off alarm. That steadiness shapes everyday signs of security.

Close but worried

You want closeness and feel comfortable with it, but you often worry whether your partner feels the same or might leave. Talking openly about what you need, and noticing the reassurance you do get, can help. Understanding the anxious attachment pattern can help you recognise where the worry comes from.

Independent

You don’t worry much about being left, but you like to keep some distance and may find it hard to depend on a partner or open up. Small steps towards sharing how you feel can make closeness feel safer over time. The post on avoidant relationship patterns explains why closeness can feel like pressure, and how partners can meet in the middle.

Wary of closeness

You’d like to feel close, but closeness can also feel risky: you may worry about being hurt and keep your distance at the same time. This is common after painful experiences, and talking it through with someone you trust or a counsellor can help.

What does a fearful avoidant score look like?

A fearful avoidant result, labelled Wary of closeness, means both scores are 4 or above. It’s often the most confusing result to get, because the two scales seem to pull in opposite directions: one part of you is watching for signs of being left, and another part is uneasy when someone gets close.

In everyday life that can look like wanting a relationship badly and then feeling trapped once you’re in one, or reaching for reassurance and then pushing it away when it comes. Some people describe going back and forth within a single evening. It isn’t inconsistency or game-playing. It’s two protective habits that were each learned for a reason, running at the same time.

Researchers have linked this pattern with relationships that felt both needed and unsafe, often early on, but also later: a partner who was loving and frightening, or a loss that came after a lot of trust. It isn’t a fixed trait, and people with this result can and do become more secure, often with help from a steady relationship, a therapist, or both.

A practical first step is learning to notice which of the two is active. The worried side tends to show up as checking, needing an answer, replaying messages. The distancing side tends to show up as suddenly finding fault, getting busy, going numb or quiet. The post on spotting when you pull away covers that second side in detail.

What if one of your scores sits close to 4?

Then read it as in-between, whatever the label says. The split at 4 is a convenient way of describing the overall pattern, not a line the research drew. With a distance score under 4, a worry score of 3.9 and one of 4.1 are almost the same, yet one gives “mostly secure” and the other “close but worried”.

You may also notice that the thirds and the overall pattern don’t line up neatly. A worry score of 4.3 is described as “some worry” on its own, but counts as higher when the two scores are combined. Both are true: it’s a moderate amount of worry, and it sits on the more worried side of the middle. When your score is between about 3.5 and 4.5, it’s fairer to say you lean slightly one way than that you have a particular style.

The distance from the middle tells you more than the label. With distance scores under 4, someone with a worry score of 6.5 and someone with 4.1 both get “close but worried”, but their experience of relationships is likely to be very different. If you want to understand your result, look at where each number sits on its line first, and at the pattern name second.

Why might your result differ from a quick online quiz?

Many quick quizzes ask you to pick the paragraph that sounds most like you and give you one of four types. The ECR-R measures two dimensions with 36 statements instead, so it can show that you’re mildly anxious and fairly at ease with closeness, rather than simply “anxious”. That extra detail is why researchers prefer it, and why your result may feel less dramatic than a quiz result.

Your answers can also be coloured by the moment. A recent breakup, a new relationship or a difficult few months can push your worry score up, because the questionnaire asks how you feel in general and the present tends to shape that. Try to answer for how you usually are across relationships, not just right now.

Why might you feel different with family and friends?

Attachment patterns can differ between relationships. Many people feel secure with a close friend, wary with a parent and anxious with a partner, or some other mix. Chris Fraley and colleagues built a separate questionnaire to look at exactly this, the Experiences in Close Relationships, Relationship Structures (ECR-RS), published in 2011. It asks the same nine short questions about different people in your life.

If your romantic result surprised you, the family and friends version gives the same two scores for people in general, your mother, your father, a partner and a close friend, and you can skip anyone you’d rather not answer about. Seeing where the worry or distance is strongest can show whether a pattern follows you everywhere or belongs mostly to one kind of relationship.

Can your attachment scores change?

Yes. Attachment patterns tend to change slowly, but they do change. Psychologists use the term “earned security” for people who didn’t start out feeling secure and came to feel that way through later relationships and reflection. Steady, responsive partners and friends, therapy, and simply getting older and understanding yourself better can all move the numbers.

Because change is slow, retaking the test about every six months is plenty. It can be especially interesting to look back after a new relationship, a breakup or a period of therapy. A falling worry score, or a distance score creeping towards the middle, is a sign that something is shifting.

What should you do with your result?

Start with the higher score: notice whether worry or distance is making relationships harder, then choose one small response to practise. No result is good or bad, and nothing about it is a diagnosis or a judgement of your relationship. A few ways to make it useful:

• Notice your highest score. If worry is higher, the work usually involves calming the alarm and asking for what you need directly. If distance is higher, it usually involves small, safe experiments with opening up.
• Talk about it, gently. Some couples find it helpful to take the test separately and compare results, as long as both treat them as a way into a conversation rather than ammunition.
• Look for the pattern in action. Over the next few weeks, notice the moments when the worry rises or the urge to withdraw appears. Those moments are where change happens.
• Get support if it’s costing you. If worry or distance keeps damaging relationships you care about, a counsellor or therapist can help. Emotionally focused therapy, a couples approach built on attachment ideas, is one well-known option.

If a relationship leaves you feeling afraid, controlled or put down, that isn’t an attachment pattern to work on, and it’s worth talking to someone you trust or a support service.

Which matters more: your attachment scores or the label?

The two scores matter more than the label. Your attachment style test result is a worry score and a distance score, each from 1 to 7. Read on their own, each falls in a third of the range; read together, split at 4, they make one of four patterns, from mostly secure to wary of closeness. The closer a score is to 4, the more gently to read the label, and the further from 4, the more it probably describes how relationships feel to you.

If you’d like to see your own two numbers, or check again in six months, the 36-statement ECR-R takes about nine minutes and asks about relationships in general, not only the one you’re in.